When we think of a “relationship agreement,” many of us think of a prenuptial agreement—which sets out how assets will be divided if a marriage breaks down and there’s a good chance things will be arranged differently. very focused on practicality rather than romance – comes to mind.
But it seems that Gen Z is no longer waiting until marriage to make agreements in which both parties promise to “not hurt each other,” “celebrate anniversaries,” “never cheat on each other,” and “never get tired of each other.”
Videos of handwritten negotiations, sometimes decorated with markers and gel pens, have been circulating on social media, with users claiming they feel “stuck” with their partners.
Couples like Hunter & Devin from @thecordlefamily also shared their story of how a “relationship contract” kept their relationship on track when they were boyfriend and girlfriend in high school.
“I got him to sign it,” she giggled, holding up a piece of notebook paper she’d written in pen, saying she would love God first and him second. “See, it worked! You didn’t break the contract, you kept it.”
There is a new trend among Gen Z where contracts are drawn up where both parties have to agree to terms such as ‘not hurting each other’s feelings’ and ‘celebrating anniversaries’
“I think you’re right,” he agreed.
Other examples of the similarities are more colorful – TikToker @lillian_heinze shared one with pink highlighter and hearts.
Clauses include serious promises, such as “never giving up on each other,” as well as lighter expectations, such as “posting” to each other on social media.
Elsewhere, @user165237580 shared a clip of her boyfriend having to sign one “because they’re stuck for life.”
While most may seem naturally fun and funny, influencers are @loulouorange recently shared a video explaining that she and her boyfriend only have one month a year where they can break up.
“We can’t discuss whether we want to extend until May, but I always know my boyfriend will say ‘yes’ when he randomly does the dishes in April (and transparently tries to secure my ‘yes’),” she wrote in the caption.
In the video, she talks about the various commitments couples make throughout the year, such as weddings, birthdays and anniversaries, and how difficult it can be to break these in your schedule.
Instead, the couple has a “break-up window,” during which they can decide, if they wish, to end the relationship when their lease comes up for renewal.
While it’s unclear whether the TikTokker is serious, it’s a topic that resonates with her followers.
“This is smart,” one follower wrote. While another said, “I don’t know if this should make me feel safe, trapped, or anxious that my partner is forcing themselves to stay with me when they’re actually unhappy.”
Another noted, “I could never view my relationship as a business contract.”
Besides the fact that drawing up a contract is a very formal way for a couple to communicate, it can also lead to other problems, sex and relationship therapist Rhian Kivits said WOMAN.
Handwritten ‘love contracts’ are being used to show Gen Z couples’ commitment to each other
Couples like Hunter & Devin from @thecordlefamily also shared their story of how a ‘relationship contract’ kept their relationship on track
The American couple promised ‘God first, you second’ in a handwritten contract dating all the way back to high school
“The problem here is that there is a risk that the couple will use the love contract against each other if things don’t go to plan. That leads to rigidity and recriminations in the relationship,” she explains.
Rhian also felt that the concept of a ‘love contract’ was not mature enough as it left little room for flexibility.
“The fact that we never get tired of each other is also an awkward clause in the contract,” said the expert.
‘When a couple is committed to their relationship, they work on their connection and take action to ensure the relationship doesn’t fizzle out.
“But the promise made in this love contract does not take into account how our feelings and aspirations may develop over time. It seems to lack flexibility and maturity.”
Rhian also had doubts about couples agreeing to be faithful to each other through a contract.
“If you never cheat on each other, it could mean the couple is committed to fidelity and loyalty,” she explained.
‘But in practice it turns out that those who want to commit fraud are not easily deterred by putting a handwritten signature on a piece of paper.
“We know that infidelity occurs in many marriages, and so I don’t believe that the love contract offers real protection or security.”
Rhian suggested it could even be a response to the spate of celebrity cheating scandals and high-profile breakups making headlines.
“They don’t view cheating and other bad behavior in relationships positively. They want to control their own lives, experiences and reputations based on what they see online,” the researcher said.
However, the expert was not entirely against the idea of a relationship contract. According to him, its success lies in choosing realistic conditions that do not dictate behavior.
“The idea of a relationship contract is not new. In fact, in therapy I often talk to couples about their contract, because every relationship is a contract, whether it is unspoken or more explicitly acknowledged,” she continued.
‘If the contract is explicitly discussed, it means that we are aware of each other’s wishes, boundaries and expectations and therefore also know what is acceptable and what is not within the relationship.
‘Commitments such as choosing honesty, kindness, taking time to nurture the relationship, discovering new things together, developing healthy communication, listening to each other, solving problems together and choosing to grow together are healthier.’