Today’s working life is full of ever-evolving challenges and pitfalls. When is it okay to date a coworker? Can you tell your team to return to the office five days a week? Whether you’re a bewildered Boomer, a confused Millennial or a confused Gen Zer, our brilliant columnist Nicola Horlick has got your back. She uses her experience in business to guide you through the pitfalls and put you on the path to success.
Office gossip can be uncomfortable for colleagues (photo taken by models)
Two of my senior colleagues are having a romance that they have gone to great lengths to keep secret. But everyone seems to know: Do people have some kind of sixth sense about these things?
The couple is being talked about a lot because our company takes a dim view of workplace issues – and may even require them to be made public. The complicating factor is that both parties are married.
I hardly know the man, but am friends with the woman. My friend and I socialized with her and her husband.
Should I tell her that people gossip – and not always with compassion – or should I stay out of it? If you think I should say something, how can I bring it up without sounding judgmental, interfering, or even jealous? The guy is the most popular guy in the office – which could be why some of my coworkers seem so excited about this.
ADELE
I’ve experienced the discomfort of knowing two coworkers having an illicit affair in an office setting, so I know how you feel.
The landscape has changed dramatically over the past fifteen years as online dating has boomed, but a significant number of people still meet their partners at work.
Of course, many now work from home at least two days a week. And some employers have tried to ban office relationships, saying it undermines team spirit and distracts from the task at hand, especially for small businesses.
I don’t think it’s right to try to prevent workplace romances from developing. Those involved should be encouraged to be as discreet as possible and the evidence is that when a serious romance develops at work, one of the partners changes jobs, and in heterosexual relationships this is often the woman.
YouGov published a survey in February 2020 about where people often meet their partners. About 18 percent said they met in the workplace, 18 percent met through friends and 13 percent met online or on a dating app.
So it’s inevitable that we’ll come across colleagues involved in a romance, and it may well be that one or both of them are married. I agree that it is more difficult for colleagues if the relationship is an illicit affair, but it is difficult to know what is going on in someone else’s existing relationship.
Nicola Horlick has also experienced the discomfort of knowing two colleagues are having an illicit affair in an office environment
If things fail, it’s hard to begrudge that person the chance at happiness. The cost of divorce is so high that many people stay in a marriage for financial reasons but live separate lives. I think it is wrong to ‘judge’ someone for having an extramarital affair without knowing the full background.
Your comments show that this affair is causing environmental disruption for you and your colleagues. Does your ultimate boss know about this?
If not, I recommend you talk to him or her. It’s their job to deal with it. You said the organization took a dim view of workplace romances and may even require disclosure. I’m not an expert on employment law, but I don’t think you can force people to disclose that they are in a relationship unless there is a conflict of interest that could impact the company.
You asked if you should tell your female colleague that everyone was talking about her affair. I think this would be a good idea as she may not be aware of the impact this has on the organization as a whole.
However, if she is committed to the relationship and he is as handsome as you say, then I doubt she will end the affair just because you are all talking about it. It’s more likely that she or her lover will decide to leave, which would at least calm things down for the rest of you.
If you decide to discuss it with her, you should still talk to your boss. Proper management of a company includes dealing with these types of sensitive issues.
