Relationships are a delicate balance between disclosure, respect, privacy, and communication…that is, until the We Listen and We Don’t Judge TikTok trend was born, throwing this equilibrium into a chaotic tailspin witnessed by millions of TikTok users the world over.
@daveandjanie Well this was fun🤣
♬ original sound – Janie Ippolito
Though watching these videos can range from deeply endearing to cringe to excruciatingly awkward, this initially humorous-based TikTok trend has garnered a reputation for causing the erosion (and even demise) of those involved. So what is this trend?
The We Listen and We Don’t Judge TikTok trend began in mid-November 2024 and features people in relationships (generally couples, family members, or good friends) sitting side by side and concurrently, sometimes repeatedly, saying the phrase, “We listen and we don’t judge” before each reveals an embarrassing, awkward or chaotic secret that the other person does not know.
What happens in a ‘We Listen and We Don’t Judge’ TikTok Video?
A typical video starts with two people who have a close relationship with one another sitting next to each other, staring directly at the camera. The pair begins by saying in unison, “We listen, and we don’t judge,” before taking turns revealing a secret, an embarrassing habit, something that the other person doesn’t know.
If a reaction occurs after this sensitive information has been shared, the person revealing the secret usually repeats “We listen and we don’t judge,” to remind their counterpart that the information contained in the video is there to be heard, and cannot be held against the speaker.
@beefingwiththeblacks We don’t judge 😅😂 @callmeCollins.h.d.c #judge #dontjudge #funnyvideos #marriedlife #couples #fyp #couplescomedy #couplegoals ♬ original sound – Mr&MrsBlack
And yet, information is heard and subsequently, judged
Despite the phrase the subjects repeat (often multiple times) the information is obviously judged by both the participants, creating the types of reactions that make these videos interesting to watch.
Of course, the information is also being judged by everyone else on the internet, and often, repeated via different social media avenues to garner even more attention, responses, and more judgment on the nature of the participants in the video and of online relational culture at large.
These videos are being judged so intensely that X has created different “editions” of judgment, using pop culture references, GIFs, and memes to illustrate the high level of judgment that is happening.
What is the point of this trend?
At its surface, the point of this trend is to bring the participants of the videos closer together by learning new and vulnerable things about one another. And yet…it doesn’t always work out that way.
Sometimes, the information learned in the videos can be quite damaging, as referenced in this Reddit thread, where a husband revealed a cruel, 2-year long “prank” he was playing on his wife, eroding her trust in her husband and by extension, faith in her whole marriage. Reddit commentators went on to give shocked reactions based on the original post.
We Listen and We Don’t Judge, Breakup Editions
The “We listen and we don’t judge” TikTok trend has birthed an even darker incarnation of itself, “we listen and we don’t judge, breakup editions,” which showcases the end of a romantic partnership after participating in the challenge, and the emotional carnage that follows.
@xsarahbeckx this wasnt a good idea #fyp #breakup #ex #bf #trendy #listen #judge #cheater #jokes #funnytiktok ♬ original sound – sarah 🤍
Suffice it to say, participate in this challenge at your (and your partner’s) own risk!
More TikTok trends:
- Explaining the ‘Sticking Out Your Tongue For The Picture’ meme and TikTok trend
- A clip of 4-year-old Barron Trump saying ‘I Like My Suitcase’ is now a TikTok meme
- The ‘Women In Male Fields’ meme is paving the way for women to behave just as toxically as men
- What is a ‘Pink Tote Mom’ and why is it a TikTok trend?
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