A widow who lost her husband to suicide said he had an ‘incredible’ ability to conceal his true feelings, as she urged anyone concerned about a loved one’s mental health to ‘get help’.
Victoria Wright, 36, from Nottingham, founded the equestrian charity Riders Minds with her late husband Matthew after struggling with mental health problems for a number of years.
But tragically, Matthew took his own life in February 2021 at the age of 38 after the pair enjoyed a romantic Valentine’s Day dinner.
Speaking to FEMAIL two and a half years after his death, Victoria recalled how Matthew’s mental health deteriorated and she did her best to support him.
“To the outside world they would never have known,” she said. “It was actually incredible, the ability he had.”
Victoria Wright, 36, from Nottingham, founded mental health charity Riders Minds with her late partner Matthew Riders. The couple in the photo with their three children
Victoria met Matthew when he was a competitive rider – who was at the time ‘at the top of his game’ and had represented GB at senior level.
The talented athlete was “charming and cocky and drew you to her,” she said – even though she was “young and nowhere near his level.”
The couple eventually fell in love, married and had three children together.
Victoria said that although Matthew put on a brave face for other people, he was clearly dealing with insecurities and “just put more pressure on himself as an athlete.”
She admitted that he “only let her in” when it came to vulnerability, meaning Victoria was the only one who could see how much he was dealing with.
The mother-of-three described how he sat ‘in pieces in the horse stall’ but acted as if everything was normal ‘the moment he took a step outside’, leaving her baffled as to how he managed to compartmentalise his fear.
“Watching him put on a fake mask was one of the hardest things,” she added.
Matthew hid his true feelings and emotions, despite being outspoken about his mental health struggles in the public eye.
Victoria met Matthew when he was a competitive rider – who was at the time ‘at the top of his game’ and had represented GB at senior level. The couple in the photo on their wedding day
Victoria said that while Matthew put on a brave face for other people, he was clearly dealing with insecurities and as an athlete “just put more pressure on himself.”
The rider had regularly blogged online about his struggles and insecurities, creating a safe space for others to come forward and ask for guidance.
According to Horse & Doghe had even been open about dealing with the anxiety and stress that came with overcoming his treatment for testicular cancer.
But despite that, others would not have known how much the father of three was going through.
And Victoria says when it came to parenting, Matthew also hid his suffering from the children.
“He was a great father,” she said. “There were times when they noticed he was quieter, but he kept that side private and swept it under the rug.”
He was so adept at masking his pain that everyone was shocked when Matthew died.
“It didn’t make sense (to other people),” Victoria said. “I felt like I had to explain myself.”
In addition to grieving for her husband, Victoria noted that it is difficult to talk to people about the way he died due to the stigma surrounding poor mental health.
She recalled that many people thought she was divorced from her husband after learning she was a single parent. When she told others that Matthew had died, they thought he had a terminal illness.
“I felt like no one knew what to say to me,” she admitted. “People felt uncomfortable.”
Victoria also makes a point of talking to her children about Matthew, especially when she thinks back on the good times.
The mother also reminds them that what their father went through is “still a disease.”
“He was unwell and needed help,” she explained.
“There’s probably more talk about mental health now, but not about suicide prevention.”
The mental health campaigner encouraged anyone who is going through what Matthew (pictured riding with children) went through – or is worried about a loved one – to speak up
Victoria revealed that by learning to tackle the taboo subject for herself, by talking about it, she was also able to heal and ensure her husband had a legacy.
“I didn’t want to sit in a corner and rock,” she added.
The mental health campaigner encouraged anyone experiencing what Matthew went through – or concerned about a loved one – to speak out.
“It’s really a topic that no one wants to talk about,” she said.
‘Get help. It’s a huge burden to take on yourself. I never told anyone what was going on and I carried that weight myself… My biggest regret now is why I didn’t tell anyone.
“Silence is the most dangerous thing he can do, and the simplest things are the hardest to do.”
Victoria and Matthew founded Riders Minds in 2019. The charity aims to ‘maintain good mental health, supporting those who struggle with equestrian related stress, competitive pressures or those who view horse riding as a form of escapism, fun, for their mental health. , or people struggling with mental health issues’.
For confidential support, call Samaritans on 116123 or visit us samaritans.org
