Bravo executive Andy Cohen messed up with funnyman John Oliver on Cohen’s titular talk show “Watch What Happens Live” on Tuesday night… and I really wish I hadn’t watched it at all.
I lost respect for Oily Oliver and his tired schtick years ago. But recent reports that he had gone through the full intifada in defense of Palestine only confirmed what I feared:
If a washed up clown can’t make them laugh, he’ll make them gag!
And his final overcooked, hot version was indeed extreme vomit.
Cohen and Oliver, two sad salt-and-peppers—Andy bronzed and buttered in his too-tight pinstripe, JLo inexplicably in a tracksuit—laughed and grabbed for the fading glint of the spotlight, dragging stricken Princess Kate into view .
But like a sloppy Photoshop, Andy’s dip into the gelatinous ‘Katespiracy’ soup was as unsubtle as Sharon Osborne’s latest facelift.
Bravo executive Andy Cohen messed up with funnyman John Oliver on Cohen’s titular talk show ‘Watch What Happens Live’ on Tuesday night… and I really wish I hadn’t watched at all.
Cohen and Oliver, two sad salt-and-peppers—Andy tan and buttered in his too-tight pinstripe, JLo inexplicably in a tracksuit—snickered and grabbed for the fading glint of the spotlight, dragging stricken Princess Kate into view .
“What the hell is going on with Kate Middleton?” he screamed.
To which allspice-filled Oliver chirped, “I thought, let’s just ignore all this, we’ve moved on… until the Photoshop thing and it feels like you’re almost impressively bad at it at this point.”
Thanks Johnny! I’m sure Palace PRs are listening intently.
But wait, there was more of our favorite bottom feeders:
“There’s no chance she died eighteen months ago,” Oliver said with thinly veiled joy. “Maybe Weekend At Bernie is dealing with this situation.”
(Vanderpump Rules ‘star’ and fellow couch guest Ariana Madix thought bubble: ‘How much is not zero!?’)
Oh my giddiness, you know what’s completely hilarious? Two men, catapulting quickly past middle age, careers focused on the valley floor, joking about the possible death of a young mother of three recovering from major surgery.
You know which White House tomboy Oliver would never dream of destroying with his “Weekend At Bernie’s” dud? Our dodder in chief, Joe Biden.
What is that stench coming from under the studio lights? I smell last week’s reheated chicken!
It’s truly astonishing – with all the crowded writers’ rooms and Emmys under their collective belts – how quickly comedy eludes this desperate duo.
We should really expect nothing less than TikTok-fueled banter from Cohen – the most experienced Real Housewife.
But for Oliver – who likes to cosplay as foreign policy guru and politician Big Brain, blaming disaster here and abroad – heading straight for the crown jewels with this most evil of mudslingers is certainly a rotten new low.
Oh my giddiness, you know what’s completely hilarious? Two men, catapulting quickly past middle age, careers focused on the valley floor, joking about the possible death of a young mother of three recovering from major surgery.
They are not the only ones.
The chickens were pecking at The View on Wednesday with some nasty witchcraft.
The joyless Behar dropped by to inform viewers that she doesn’t trust the royal family because she watched The Crown.
Sara Haines buried her face in her fingers and hysterically hinted that the princess had disappeared: “Where are you, Kate?… She’s not here!”
Sunny Hostin, in her wisdom, agreed.
And in a sign that the insanity watermark has truly been reached, Whoopi Goldberg tried – spectacularly wrong on almost everything – her best sister act: being the voice of reason.
“If you’re in on this stuff (conspiracies), if they’re going to do it to your family… that’s not cute,” she thundered.
A welcome blast of reality from Whoopi Cushion.
Back to the Andy Cohen issue: It’s fun to watch what happens as he gets sued and tattooed as a pariah by an angry and highly litigious group of Bravolebrities.
Toxic accusations of racism, bullying and forced drinking are now ubiquitous in the Housewives sphere.
Full disclosure: I made out with Captain Jason from Below Deck at a bar two years ago after a booze-fueled dinner with Bravo executives. Cohen was not present. Though come to think of it, I did go to Andy’s pride party in Manhattan a few moons ago. Lots of handsome young men. Andy looked like a giddy grandpa – and it was, in my experience, always a lot of fun.
But in recent weeks, former RH star Leah McSweeney filed an explosive lawsuit against Cohen and Bravo, claiming Andy “tormented” and “humiliated” her over quality on-screen drama, and even used cocaine with cast members.
Coca-Cola accused Daddy Cohen has fired back, labeling McSweeney’s claims as false and defamatory.
Nevertheless, McSweeney – who has spent time in mental institutions and has spoken openly about her alcohol addiction – has felt the sour end of Cohen’s on-screen deception.
In recent weeks, former RH star Leah McSweeney filed an explosive lawsuit against Cohen and Bravo, claiming Andy “tormented” and “humiliated” her over quality on-screen drama, and even used cocaine with cast members.
Despite knowing about her alcoholism, Cohen devoted an episode of “Watch What Happens Live” to quizzing guests about whether McSweeney had been fun during the girls’ outing, which she had insisted — for the sake of her health — to stay sober.
Whenever someone mentioned McSweeney, Cohen instructed viewers to have a drink.
It was the same sad story when Raquel Leviss herself worked in a health facility for a while when her sordid ‘Scandoval’ affair with adulterous feces Tom Sandoval – who cheated on John Oliver’s fellow giggle-pixie Mrs. Madix – spread across the world’s news channels.
Bravo executives were well aware of Leviss’ problems — and yet Cohen devoted another episode to quizzing her screenmates about what they thought of her mental health.
SNL’s Chloe Fineman trashed Leviss as a “filthy whore” and Cohen just laughed.
Oliver, meanwhile, is a transatlantic transvestite who ingests too much water to save himself.
In a recent on-camera film, proudly touting his pro-Palestinian credentials, Oliver branded the Jewish state’s most ardent defenders as “dips**ts.”
The truth is, Oliver is a narcissist stuck on yesterday’s soundtrack – and Cohen and the chapes from The View are little better.
The furore surrounding the beleaguered Kate wears thinner than a housewife on Ozempic. The cruel stirring of the conspiratorial cauldron for clicking is as ugly as it gets.
