DEAR ABBY: My husband has, for years, felt the need to talk filthy and ask sexual questions of other women. It bothers me something terrible. He’s upset that I ruin his “fun,” and insists he isn’t hurting anyone and that he likes being the life of the party. We have fought over this for years, and I’m exhausted from it.
I told him I don’t see the need for him to do this, and he continues to tell me I need to quit being so unreasonable. I don’t know what to do, and I’m ready to just give up. It doesn’t make me love or respect him. I actually loathe him when he does it. Please help. — REPELLED IN IOWA
DEAR REPELLED: It’s sad that your husband would continue to do something he knows embarrasses you. You can’t change him, so it’s time to change the way you react to his outrageous behavior. Try ignoring him and distancing yourself when it happens.
It would be interesting to know how his questions affect the women he’s asking. Do they consider him to be the life of the party or just a (possibly) drunken boor? Because you have already talked to him until you’re blue in the face, start talking to them. Perhaps, if you present a united front, he will stop.
DEAR ABBY: I am getting married in a few months, and half of my bridesmaids recently colored their hair unnatural colors. Their new hair colors clash with the color of the dresses we’ve chosen as well as the overall theme of my wedding.
At first, it didn’t bother me because I used to have wild hair, too. I get it. However, I was once in a wedding where the bride asked me to keep my hair a natural color for her big day, and I didn’t have any issue with her asking. Now I’m wondering if that is the norm. I also know it costs an arm and a leg to color a full head of hair, so I’m afraid it would be awful of me to ask them to undo what they just did.
Because I’m new to the wedding scene, I feel like my bridesmaids should have run this by me first, since we have only a couple months left before my big day. Would it be inappropriate to talk to my ladies about their new hair colors? — HAIR IN THE WEST
DEAR HAIR: I don’t think it would be inappropriate to talk to your bridesmaids about your concerns. However, if they are unwilling to change, try to remember the reason you chose these friends. I sincerely hope it was for attributes other than their looks.
DEAR ABBY: How do I convince my liberal parents that my bisexuality is not a phase? I’m 16, and I just came out. My mom told me she’d “had a gay phase, too.” I don’t want conflict, but I’m also pretty hurt. How do I convince them to take me seriously? — BI GIRL IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR GIRL: Your mother was not trying to hurt or diminish what you told her. In fact, she told you something important about herself — that she, too, has been attracted to both men and women. Don’t waste your time trying to “convince” her of anything. Live your life authentically and you will be just fine.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
