DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have some money in a mutual fund. Our new, very young financial adviser, “Alec,” seems sexist. He has phoned us four times asking to speak with my husband, and each time my husband refuses to speak to him. Since my name is also on our account, my husband said that I should speak to him. I have told Alec twice that my husband has hearing aids and it’s difficult for him to hear people on the phone, which is why he wants me to be the contact. But Alec continues to ask for my husband.
I’ve told him that I feel he’s being sexist, but he denies it. He said he tries very hard not to be, and he’s sorry if I feel he is. Alec called asking for my husband again today. We let it go to voicemail. Now I’m wondering if I should return his call and complain again, write him a letter or complain to his superiors. Should I continue to let his calls go to voicemail? Should I complain in writing to him? We don’t want to move money around or change our investments in any way, which he has been told already by me, but then, I’m not a MAN! — BEYOND FRUSTRATED IN WASHINGTON
DEAR BEYOND FRUSTRATED: You have suffered enough. Don’t bother writing that kid a letter. Contact his supervisor, explain what has been going on, and make it clear that you want someone more service-oriented on your account. If you are contacted by the supervisor, explain in detail your reason. This financial adviser needs more training.
DEAR ABBY: I was adopted at birth. Through DNA testing, I have made contact with my half-siblings, and as a result, I was able to meet some of them and other relatives at a family reunion four years ago. They live 900 miles away. Because of this reunion, I now have a relationship with my maternal half-sister.
Herein lies my problem: A month ago, during one of our bi-monthly phone conversations, I told her that she and my brother-in-law had an open invitation to visit anytime they wanted. She responded that she could never travel that far. If anything happened to one of her family members, she would never forgive herself for not being there for them. Well, since then she has traveled with friends to take part in a five-day sporting event 325 miles away from her family. I am hurt because she was very emphatic about not leaving her family for any amount of time. Should I ask her again about visiting and remind her about what she said about traveling away from her family? — SECOND-CLASS IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR SECOND-CLASS: I don’t recommend confronting her. If you want to invite her again, of course you can do that. But if she’s reluctant, rather than put her on the spot by personalizing it, let it go. If you have invited her more than three times, accept that for whatever reason she isn’t comfortable with the idea. Rather than a reflection on you, her reason could be financial or limited vacation time — or that a 900-mile trip to visit you is lower on her priorities.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
