If only all dates were like this. Forget about sitting in a bar, making excruciating small talk about the price of drinks, we’re going on a quest to find a bedazzled sword made out of a toothpick. With a fridge. Who runs an Ice Cream shop.
Ok, fine, you wouldn’t really want to go out drinking with a fridge (unless it was stocked with free booze) in real life. It would be a bit weird, but Date Everything’s wackiness is the best thing about it. You won’t ever play a dating simulator like it. Actually, scratch that, you won’t ever play a game like it.
If going on dates with household appliances sounds a bit too silly, there is more to Date Everything than the ridiculous premise. Beautifully crafted and acted by top voice talent who have appeared in classics like Baldur’s Gate 3, Final Fantasy, and The Last of Us, the storylines are genuinely emotional. And not just because the trapdoor won’t go out with you.
Date Everything! screenshots
What is Date Everything about?
Date Everything is the first game from Sassy Chap Games, a group of experienced voice actors who have joined forces to make an incredibly experimental dating simulator.
By putting on a pair of stylish glasses called Dateviators, you bring the furniture in your house to life and you can develop relationships with them, becoming friends, enemies, or even asking them out on a date. These Dateviators are highly sought after, though, as a problematic company wants them and will do anything to obtain them. It seems that more than one person wants to date a table.
If you’re into dating sims, think Dream Daddy meets Doki Doki Literature Club, but for everyone else, just go with it and be prepared to have your heart broken by a rubber duck. There are 100 dateables, and each one has a wonderful story to tell.
One will have you hunting down the box’s alter ego with the globe and the ship in a bottle, supporting you in the battle. Another sees you searching for missing wirey pets, with the blanket playing the worried owner.
Wacky yet wonderful
Whether you’re going on a quest to uncover a lost character with your boxes, are working on your air con’s hatred for himself, or helping your shower feel brave enough to chase his dreams of being a star (he’s similar to Elvis), every story has its own charm.
This whole experience is lifted by the incredibly written characters. They’re all fully voiced by a cast that includes the likes of Matthew Mercer, Troy Baker, and Ashley Johnson. From Joel and Ellie to an exercise machine and a box.
Dexerto / Sassy Chap GamesThis means that every item of furniture feels unique, their personalities feel alive, their relationships are ever-changing, and you’re forced to consider your actions through fear of annoying them. You don’t want to piss off a plate.
The quirky dating might be the selling point of Date Everything, but it’s the wonderfully written characters and sentimental story that keeps you playing.
Repetitive romance
Dating simulators can be repetitive. Just like your average speed date, spending a short time chatting only to be told “‘it’s not you, it’s me”, before moving on to the next one. Date Everything slows things down by giving the Dateviators five charges, so you can only speak to five characters a day, and plenty of them are up for a little romance.
I worried this would feel far too slow and make the game boring. However, thanks to the storyline and occasional meetups to remember, there’s always something to do. Plus, unlocking the 100 characters is a challenge on its own.
Dexerto / Sassy Chap GamesHowever, only being able to speak to five characters a day meant that, at a minimum, it takes 20 days to uncover all characters, and that’s without really diving into their quests.
There were times when I wished there were more charges or the ability to complete more than one small part of a specific character’s quests, though I was quickly humbled by one specific 30-minute-long quest… that was a lot of conversation.
It also allows you to explore your romance options at a relaxed pace rather than having to get into frantic speed dating sessions with furniture. Fans of dating sims should appreciate this.
Verdict
Date Everything’s main draw is its crazy premise, but thanks to its storylines that are brought to life by seasoned voice actors, it is more than just a silly idea. It is a surprisingly heartfelt experience that expertly blends silly and sentiment.
Yes, the mechanics do slow things down on occasion, but once you embrace the stellar character designs and personalities, it’s hard not to fall head over heels for your food critic fruit bowl or sassy rubber duck.
