Dear Vanessa,
I hope you can help with a difficult situation. My elderly father has a house, but no will. He refuses to talk about what will happen after he’s gone, saying that we can deal with it then, and that it’s rude to talk about death now.
The problem is that I have two siblings and we don’t get along. I’m afraid if Dad dies without a will, things will get ugly. As far as I know, if he dies without a will, the house and his assets may not be distributed as he would like. Worse still, it could mean a long and expensive legal mess for us, with many arguments along the way.
How can I make him understand that if we fix this now, it will save us a lot of pain later? Any advice to make this go more smoothly would be a big help.
Thank you,
Rose
Send your questions to leading money teacher Vanessa Stoykov [email protected]
Leading money counselor Vanessa Stoykov (above) suggests Ross should talk to his father out of respect. “He worked hard for what he has, and a will ensures his estate is handled the way he wants.”
Hello Ross,
Thank you for reaching out with this important question. I can understand why this situation is weighing heavily on you. It’s hard when a parent doesn’t want to talk about these things, but having the conversation now can save you a lot of heartache and headaches later.
First, it’s crucial that your father understands that without a will, things won’t just magically fall into place. In fact, the law will decide how his assets are distributed, which may not reflect his wishes at all. Furthermore, any disagreements between you and your siblings could involve costly legal battles and put pressure on everyone involved.
I suggest that you approach the subject gently with your father, formulate it in a way that respects his wishes and makes things easier for the whole family. You could mention that having a will allows him to decide what happens to his home and assets, rather than leaving it to chance. Maybe you can talk about it from a place of respect: he worked hard for what he has, and a will ensures that his estate is handled the way he wants.
If he’s still reluctant, perhaps ask him if he’d be willing to sit down with a neutral third party, such as a financial advisor or estate planner. Sometimes hearing from a professional about the risks and benefits can make a big difference. And, if possible, enlist a trusted family friend or relative who has been through this process; they can explain the peace of mind that planning ahead brings.
This is what my friend Harry Moustakas, financial advisor and director, does Navigate through financial groupmust say:
‘If your father dies without a will, it is called an ‘intestate’ and you and your siblings are entitled to the entire estate in equal shares.
‘Because there is no will, this becomes a longer and more difficult process and other complications can arise. For example, if one of your siblings dies before your father and leaves behind children of their own, others may come out of the woodwork and make a claim on the estate. While a will may not solve everything and people can still challenge it, having a will can help ensure that your father’s wishes are met.
Harry Moustakas, financial advisor and director of Navigate Financial Group, says Ross’ father also needs to consider what happens to his home and belongings if he develops dementia or goes into care
‘I would first try to get a better understanding of what your father is thinking and feeling. Importantly, the other thing to consider and discuss with him is what happens if he develops dementia or needs to go into care. Attention should be paid not only to having a will, but to an estate plan that includes an Enduring Power of Attorney and lasting guardian and health orders.
“Maybe this is a better approach to starting a conversation with him, rather than discussing his death – talking about his continued care and who will be legally able to make decisions.” As part of this conversation, I would recommend that he be encouraged to speak with a financial advisor or estate planner, to formulate a plan for his future. An independent professional can make a difference by helping to draw up a plan and get the estate planning in order.’
I wish you the best with this, Ross. Remember that you are doing the right thing by encouraging your father to make plans.
Greetings,
Vanessa.