Hi Achokis. I got married very young at the age of 24 years as a second wife to an older man aged 55 years then. We have been married for four years and I have one child and I am not willing to have another one yet. Of late my husband has been threatening me that if I don’t get another child he will marry another wife to bear him the children he wants.
This I can’t stand. The first wife has only two children. What I have noticed with my husband is that he has a lot of money and wants many children to spend it on, but is disinterested with their mothers. I got married to have fun with my husband and not just give birth. As much as he wants children, intimacy has also gone down and we are struggling. I also regret interfering with another woman’s home. Do I simply walk away?
– Stella
Hi Stella. Thank you for reaching out.
Getting married at 24 years may be a young age for some but for others it might not be. They say our brain becomes fully developed at 28 years. The age-gap could be posing a problem especially where intimacy and the fun you want is concerned. Of greater concern though is your differing expectations, what each one of you want in the marriage.
Different expectations
Both your expectations in this case were very different. It is clear he wants many children to spend his money on. Maybe he grew up as an only child and had a dream of having a big family. Are all the children girls? If yes, he is probably looking for a son who will inherit his property. Maybe his first wife, like you, refused to give him the many children he wanted, that’s why he married you
Children are a bonus
You got married to have fun and not just give birth to children like what your husband wants. Marriage is meant for companionship not children. Children are a bonus. If that is his view of what marriage is, then you need to think twice. Are you going to spend the rest of your life in misery or are you going to do something about your situation? Remember you still have a great future ahead of you. Who knows, you might just get a young man to give you what you really desire in marriage.
Regretting now?
Intimacy issues are also bound to be there because you’re 28, young and energetic while he at 59, he is slowing down and is not able to keep up with you. They say love is blind but marriage is an eye opener. Could it be that your eyes have been opened and that’s why you are now regretting interfering with another woman’s home? You have now matured and you’re able to see things clearly. If that’s the case, then that’s a good reason to consider leaving.
It won’t be easy seeing how much your husband loves children. Be ready for a fight. Are you ready to live with the stigma of being a single-mum? Are you able to take care of yourself and your child?